Economic Euphemist Package

A visitor to the department where I work casually asked if anybody on my team had received his or her “stimulus” check. She said she had not as of yet, in spite of being promised she would have it in her account by May 9.

I briefly wondered what would have happened to her had she not met her requirement to pay the government by the agreed upon date, but before I could ponder the answer she further asked how much each of us would (did) receive, and if everybody would receive a check. When I informed her that even some non-taxpayers would receive checks she reacted in disbelief, but not with great surprise.

It was her final comment on the matter, however, that set my pulse racing, “Isn’t it nice to receive a little unexpected bonus?”

With every ounce of civility in my body I responded in the best way I could, “It would be nicer if they hadn’t taken this and more from us in the first place.”

She nodded agreeably, emptily, until a woman from my team added, “You’ll have to pay it back.”

This surprised her, “What do you mean?”

“The money isn’t for you to keep, you’ll have to pay it back,” said my teammate.

“Oh, that’s terrible,” the visitor replied, largely unfazed.

Hoping to finally have her react strongly I added, “These aren’t even tax dollars. This was a loan taken out by the U.S. government in your name which you’ll have to pay back with interest.”

In spite of all of these facts tumbling down on her, her demeanor never changed. Her temper never rose. The anger never burned. I shouldn’t be alarmed; she is, after all, an American.

--M.A. Hargett